Reflecting on Bill O’Hanlon’s delightful response, and his comments about ‘my voice’, made me realise what a momentous shift I’ve made.

I had written a previous ‘book’ which got absolutely no where.  I should have known its fate when even my friends couldn’t pretend they’d got beyond the third chapter.  I still think the content, well some of it, is worth an airing, but the style was its downfall.

The turning point for me came when I was browsing one of Bill’s books, and was taken with his easy use of the first person, and the flow of ‘casual’ comments.  I had started on The Experience Cookbook and wondered what it would be like if I did the same.  I took a deep breath and placed my first ‘I’, followed shortly by a ‘me’ and then a ‘my’.  The difference was instantantaeous.  It came alive.  I came alive.  What I had to say came alive.  And I didn’t feel embarrassed, or big headed.  It actually felt natural.

I see now that with the previous book, I didn’t really believe I had a right to join the grown ups.  Book writing and published authors were mixed up with academia, authority, and accepted establishment.  There were also the childhood injunctions of “Don’t be noisy.  Don’t draw attention to us.” which you’ll agree get in the way of stepping out onto a public platform.  Unconsciously, in an attempt to prove my worth and stay invisible, I slid into ‘proper speak’ – fairly big words, too long sentences and passive tense.  You can hear the zzzzzzzzs from here!

Putting in the ‘I’ transformed my self belief.  It gave me my voice and my confidence to own my thoughts and share my ideas.  I gave myself permission to be noisy.   The funny, authoritative, friendly trainer had at last arrived on the page.  What a huge personal threshold I’ve crossed. Without putting too fine a point on it, I am now able to fully claim my space.  And I feel different as a result.  Strangely, even if the Cookbook never gets published, this one quantum leap, this insertion of ‘I’, has turned out to be the difference that has made the difference.   How heartening to know it’s never too late!

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